Ok well, maybe not; but this is my first blog entry! It must commence with an epiphany, or at the very least, an insightful observation!
I'm not quite sure why I should put in so much effort into brainstorming though, because I'm positive I'm going to be the only one reading this poor excuse for a virtual diary anyway. Twenty years from now, I can already see myself sitting in a netcafe in Tajikistan (run by 'Bob', an American football-quartback-turned-gizmo-geek-hermit), perusing through what I've written and thinking, "Shit, a million other people said the exact same thing! What a plagiarizing douche bag I turned out to be!".
I'm not quite sure why I should put in so much effort into brainstorming though, because I'm positive I'm going to be the only one reading this poor excuse for a virtual diary anyway. Twenty years from now, I can already see myself sitting in a netcafe in Tajikistan (run by 'Bob', an American football-quartback-turned-gizmo-geek-hermit), perusing through what I've written and thinking, "Shit, a million other people said the exact same thing! What a plagiarizing douche bag I turned out to be!".
Gosharootie, I've said 'I' seven times in the last paragraph. I think I am a narcissist.
Anywayyy, neither Bozo, one of the lead characters in my grandmother's favourite tv serial (who, among other things, has the arduous task of juggling a wife and two mistresses. Phew! ) , nor a copy of the latest Mills and Boon book ( Italian Tycoon, Secret Son. Gee, I wonder what it's about?) have even a shard of inspiration wedged in them.So I shall just recap my life so far, which more or less resembles your typical Hollywood teen movie:
Fazed And Unused (2009) - Out in theatres in Hopefully Never
Bearit is a typical high school jock (minus the high school, the high testosterone levels, the good looks and the the ability to play any sport), who is stuck in an educational institution he shares a love-hate relationship with. He's in the student union, gets decent grades, and participates in a gabazillion extra-curriculars. Bearit is currently lusting after MBA, the busty, blonde bimbo who's head of the cheerleading squad (and whose thoughtful daddy gifted her a Lamborghini Murcielago for her sixteenth birthday when she promised to drop the idea of having the VH1 Sweet Sixteen film crew air their videotape of the police crashing her party). As a typical high school jock, Bearit must, by definition, be able to hook up with MBA effortlessly.
Unfortunately, MBA has a bitchy entourage of gossipy girls who interrogate all her potential boyfriends, so that they (ie, the entourage) can confidently reject wannabe losers who just want to get into MBA's pants, while carefully selecting the sensitive-smart-funny guys who possess said characteristics in a 1:1:1 ratio (such guys, as most of us know by now, hardly ever exist and even if they do, ultimately share the same goal as the wannabes: to get into MBA's pants; but anyway.).
So the Terrible Three entourage consists of Meow, who administers the Common Admissions Test or CAT (am I the only one who noticed the subtle sexual innuendo here?), Geedee, who rounds up the shortlisted guys for a Group Discussion, and Yann, who takes care of the Personal Iinterview or PI.
In theory, Meow should have the IQ of approximately 30 pages of recycled A4 sheets (with black-and-white print, of course), but practically speaking, she's such an ubersmart girl that the CATs she sets are ubertough. She also got extra-ubersmart this year and decided to make her exam go online, with several of her male peers taking the test through the ubercool internet after brushing up on their uberextensive study material (ie, MBA's ubersexy facebook profile). But they found to their dismay that chances of cracking the CAT had become even slimmer .
Anyway, getting back to our protagonist, who wants to give the CAT a shot, because, aw heck, he is the jock after all. Sadly, a quick glance through MBA's facebook profile reveals that there are more chances of scientists discovering Wolvertron (an element with a molecular shape that bears an uncanny resemblance to Hugh Jackman's face) , than there are chances of Bearit passing the CAT.
So, a frustrated Bearit flings his football with a Henry-the-Eighth-before-he-got-all-fat-and-osteoporosisy level of force across the hall, and it lands on the head of the school's token brunette wall-flower, Syk, who immediately receives a brain concussion. (Syk, as we all know, will later get a makeover courtesy the Insignificant Best Friend, and finally unleash the hottness monster within her).
Syk is a psychology major, whose Ivy League parents nicknamed her PhD. As he vigourously rubs her forehead with his manly footballer hands (thus making several permanent indentations on her cranium), Bearit realises that he is facinated by this enigmatic creature who everyone - barring Anthea the Anthropology major - avoids in the cafeteria. PhD, on the other hand, is trying he level best not to hyperventillate as the most popular guy in school fails miserably (but she's not complaining) at trying to revive her.
By now, many of you may feel that PhD and Bearit are soulmates who are meant to be together for 'ever and ever' times infinity. They are like Romeo and Juliet (minus the suicides), like Anthony and Cleopatra (minus the longwinded orations and the poisonous asps), like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (minus the spectacular age difference and spectacular good looks) , like Bella Swan and Edward Cullen (minus the former's lack of, and the latter's abundance of personality).
Prom is coming up soon, and Bearit is faced with a difficult decision : One one hand, he can choose to tackle the Terrible Three and snag the hottest chick in school (and we all know that prom night is just a euphamism for another activity that's altogether rather unProm-like).
Orrrrrr, despite his mercurial feelings towards her, which vacillate from extreme dislike to hopeless adoration, Bearit could spout the 'You...complete..me...' dialogue to PhD because he can be rest assured that she'll turn into a reasonably hot chick by D Day.
Who will he choose? MBA or PhD? What if he loves both of them? What if he loves niether? And in the long run will either of them even feature in his life?
Bearit has a lot of questions to asnwer before Prom Night.
And so do I.
Fazed And Unused (2009) - Out in theatres in Hopefully Never
Bearit is a typical high school jock (minus the high school, the high testosterone levels, the good looks and the the ability to play any sport), who is stuck in an educational institution he shares a love-hate relationship with. He's in the student union, gets decent grades, and participates in a gabazillion extra-curriculars. Bearit is currently lusting after MBA, the busty, blonde bimbo who's head of the cheerleading squad (and whose thoughtful daddy gifted her a Lamborghini Murcielago for her sixteenth birthday when she promised to drop the idea of having the VH1 Sweet Sixteen film crew air their videotape of the police crashing her party). As a typical high school jock, Bearit must, by definition, be able to hook up with MBA effortlessly.
Unfortunately, MBA has a bitchy entourage of gossipy girls who interrogate all her potential boyfriends, so that they (ie, the entourage) can confidently reject wannabe losers who just want to get into MBA's pants, while carefully selecting the sensitive-smart-funny guys who possess said characteristics in a 1:1:1 ratio (such guys, as most of us know by now, hardly ever exist and even if they do, ultimately share the same goal as the wannabes: to get into MBA's pants; but anyway.).
So the Terrible Three entourage consists of Meow, who administers the Common Admissions Test or CAT (am I the only one who noticed the subtle sexual innuendo here?), Geedee, who rounds up the shortlisted guys for a Group Discussion, and Yann, who takes care of the Personal Iinterview or PI.
In theory, Meow should have the IQ of approximately 30 pages of recycled A4 sheets (with black-and-white print, of course), but practically speaking, she's such an ubersmart girl that the CATs she sets are ubertough. She also got extra-ubersmart this year and decided to make her exam go online, with several of her male peers taking the test through the ubercool internet after brushing up on their uberextensive study material (ie, MBA's ubersexy facebook profile). But they found to their dismay that chances of cracking the CAT had become even slimmer .
Anyway, getting back to our protagonist, who wants to give the CAT a shot, because, aw heck, he is the jock after all. Sadly, a quick glance through MBA's facebook profile reveals that there are more chances of scientists discovering Wolvertron (an element with a molecular shape that bears an uncanny resemblance to Hugh Jackman's face) , than there are chances of Bearit passing the CAT.
So, a frustrated Bearit flings his football with a Henry-the-Eighth-before-he-got-all-fat-and-osteoporosisy level of force across the hall, and it lands on the head of the school's token brunette wall-flower, Syk, who immediately receives a brain concussion. (Syk, as we all know, will later get a makeover courtesy the Insignificant Best Friend, and finally unleash the hottness monster within her).
Syk is a psychology major, whose Ivy League parents nicknamed her PhD. As he vigourously rubs her forehead with his manly footballer hands (thus making several permanent indentations on her cranium), Bearit realises that he is facinated by this enigmatic creature who everyone - barring Anthea the Anthropology major - avoids in the cafeteria. PhD, on the other hand, is trying he level best not to hyperventillate as the most popular guy in school fails miserably (but she's not complaining) at trying to revive her.
By now, many of you may feel that PhD and Bearit are soulmates who are meant to be together for 'ever and ever' times infinity. They are like Romeo and Juliet (minus the suicides), like Anthony and Cleopatra (minus the longwinded orations and the poisonous asps), like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (minus the spectacular age difference and spectacular good looks) , like Bella Swan and Edward Cullen (minus the former's lack of, and the latter's abundance of personality).
Prom is coming up soon, and Bearit is faced with a difficult decision : One one hand, he can choose to tackle the Terrible Three and snag the hottest chick in school (and we all know that prom night is just a euphamism for another activity that's altogether rather unProm-like).
Orrrrrr, despite his mercurial feelings towards her, which vacillate from extreme dislike to hopeless adoration, Bearit could spout the 'You...complete..me...' dialogue to PhD because he can be rest assured that she'll turn into a reasonably hot chick by D Day.
Who will he choose? MBA or PhD? What if he loves both of them? What if he loves niether? And in the long run will either of them even feature in his life?
Bearit has a lot of questions to asnwer before Prom Night.
And so do I.
